I was thinking of running away..
I was thinking of Dying..
I was thinking of many things at 1 am
I couldn't sleep my eyes still full of tears
Why? My mother. It's all her fault! I know I shouldn't blame her but fuck this is her fault! She needs to clean her ears.
Mandy gave me a kitten. I asked my Mom if I could keep him she said yes. When we got to my cousins house I told my Aunt and Uncle that the Kitten is mine. The next moring my mom started calling me a liar. That I said I was taking care of the cat for Mandy. She started going do you think Im stupid and crap like that and she went on and on in front of my Aunt. My Aunt didnt say much she tried to protect me. Now if I were lieing about the Kitten why in the hell would I tell my Aunt that its mine. I know my Aunt has a big mouth she's mexican what can expect. Thats just stupid. And YES I though she was stupid when she asked. Fucking. She started going I want that cat out of the house and crap like that. She went on and on. She said some stuff about me that I dont clean up and yeah. My aunt said "Now you know thats a lie. I've seen her clean up."
When we were on our way home from Ventura from Rosa's house. I was driving. My mom did want me to drive because she was feeling ill. MY FOOT! She just doesnt like sitting in the back with Gina or Diana. Its not comfy. Stupid women does she think Gina, Diana and I like it back there. We don't complain. My mom complained the whole 3-2 hour drive. I just wanted to reach back there.. Uhhh!! Anyhow her and my Dad were at it like cats and Dogs. My mom keep telling my Dad how worthless he is and the Gina, Diana and I know how he is and dont love him. Haha! Right.. Anyhow she went on and on. My Dad really didnt say much. I know he said if she wanted to leave that no one will stop her. She keep saying that she was gonna take me and my sisters away form him. Im not going with her. I ended up speeding a couple of times but I saw it and slowed down. Yes I was on the freeway. Then we got home she shut up.
Kenshi Came since it was the last time I'd see him. We went to Best buy he wanted to get something for his laptop. Being with him made me forget what she said in the Car and at my aunts. We then went to the mall he wanted to beat a time in the arcade. I was kinda upset that he was playing. He said one game he ended up playing 3. That kinda got me pretty mad. Then I got happy again since I was with him I really didnt mind and he did give me coins so I could play it was my chose to stay and watch him play. Besides he lets me play games even if Im going somewhere for a while. We then when to get Capachino Blasts at an ice-cream place. We were in there for a while talking and stuff. He then took me home he parked far from my home and gave me one of the longest hugs he's ever given me. He said lots of nice stuff. I was starting to get a little sad. We kissed then went up to the door he said " Good bye.. I'll miss you alot" That made me cry a bit. My Mom came around and saw me crying she said " Don't cry he'll be back.
That night I was in my room with The Kitten I was playing with him. Trying to get him tried so he can sleep early with me. Kenshi called and said he loved me and doesnt want to go to Japan anymore. He said he'd call me back when he gets home. My mom then comes into my room starts yelling at me. "The house smells throw the cat I dont want him in my home!" she went on and on for a good while. She also said " I'll just kill it while your sleeping" she made me cry. Then she went on and on "You dont understands that cat is making your room smell!" She said more stuff that I cant remember but then she started saying " Theres fleas in your room your full of fleas! You dont clean up your room is a mess" Wow..The kittens toys are a great mess. Then she started saying "You'll get now where in life. You good for nothing girl" she said thoses mean things to me. She also said " You ugly flea girl. I hope you die in your mess along with your father" She keep on calling me ugly. She then then tried to make me chose my boyfriend my friends or the Kitten. She stood there. She then laughed while I was crying my eyes out. "I guess you pick that cat over Kenshi and your friends. I wish Kenshi was here so I can tell him that" She finally left I tried to go to bed. She came into my room an hour or so later. Saying trying to be nice " Your going to bed? Why are you crying?" I wonder why you stupid women! I just rolled over and said " Don't talk to me" She then got pissed and started saying take that cat outside and put him in the cage with the rabbits or take him to the Garage. I didnt want to do eather of that so I just held him close. I know I said stuff back to her but I was crying I said things like " Yes mom I dont clean around the house I dont do anything right" then I finally started yelling stuff out to her saying " I hope to god that I dont grow up to be like you! When Im out of the house I dont think I'll come see you at all! You call me names you've treated me like this since I was a child! You dont know how to be a mother! You'll never learn!" she started to tell me to shut up or she'll grab me by the hair and throw me out. She then made me take the Kitten to the bathroom. He cried all night long with me even though he was in the bathroom and I was in my room. I sent Kenshi texts messages telling him whats going on. I dont want to hide anything from him really so I told him pretty much everything. Also that I was thinking of leaving the house at that moment. He tried to clam me down. He told me that he had to put up with one of his Dads girlfriends for months that my mom only does that kinda of stuff every once in a while. Yeah maybe she does but it adds up over the years. He put up with Jessica a couple of months I've put up with her all my life. I can only take so much. I can only take so much where I really break down. The reason my face always looks sad the reason my skin is so called green. The reason I dont eat well. The reason I've wished I've never been born. The reason I've wished for death. The reason for me being scared of marrage. The reason I've tried to kill my self. Is all her fault! I cant find no one eles to blame this is really all her fault.
I ended up waking up at 3 am so I took the kitten out of the bathroom quitly. He was soo happy that I did he lick my face and it was very cute that it cheered me up a bit. I heard someone slaming the door I thought it was my mom but it was my dad. My mom did not wake him up for work. It pissed my Dad off as soon as my Dad left for work. I had to put the kitten back in the bathroom since I though my mom would come out. I also went to the bath room. As soon as I made it into bed she opened the bathroom door to make sure he's still there and then slamed it shut. I woke up for school then at 8:40 I got ready I took the Kitten out for a while since I knew he was gonna be inside even till I come back home. My mom then got out of bed at 8:50 she's never been up early she went to the kitchen and made me breakfast. She acted like she said or did anything wrong to me. She acted like she did not hurt me. She made me eat.
On my way to school I talked to Kenshi he was at the airport. I felt even more sad. I got home she didnt say anything to me. Angie came we took out the Kitten and let him play. When angie left my mom started yelling at me to through the cat out keep him in a cage out side she doesnt want him in the house at all. I can keep him but he has to be in a cage out side or in the garage. I was very mad at the thought of him being in a fucking cage all fucking day long!
So I called mandy its best for me not to keep him if he had to live that way. I was crying again. Mandy felt bad and pretty mad. She then asked me to call me friends and see if anyone can take him. She said she'd call the Shelter to ask for #'s of people that would take him. I called Kristina she didnt pick up. Called Jeff he said he'd ask so then I called Katie as I was on the phone with Katie and Samantha Jeff calls back saying he can take him. I got happy that one of my friends could take him. He was coming to pick the Kitten up. I started packing his stuff I cried a bit and hugged him close telling him to be good with Jeffy. He fell asleep in my arms untell Jeff came he woke up.
I handed him over to Jeff I was sad that I was losing him but happy know he'd be better off. Also happy that its Jeff and not a person I didnt know. I started to cry when he was in jeffs arms. Jeff is now with my Kitten. My mom is still telling me I can keep him but out side in a cage or in the Garage. The only thing I said to her was " I wish I could put you in a cage or in the Garage.
Take Care of him Jeffy! Thank you again! Love you!
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